Unconditional Faith

I woke up at 8. I remembered a dream. 2 crucial parts. I was leaving with my group and I was in tears because I forgot to say goodbye to G-d's dog. I ran away from our single file line and hugged it and came back. The people I was with were all ridiculing me, and I was crying because of this too. Then, I realized I forgot to say goodbye to G-d's wife. I left the group again hugged her, she told me she would always be there for me, and that she was really thankful that I came back.

Dreams can be interpreted in many ways, but with help of the internet, I found that dogs are unconditional lovers, and that that G-d's wife could mean his Shechina ( The divine presence in prayer, times of righteous judgment, and when personal need is apparent). Maybe I'm more aware of G-d being unconditionally loving then him actually being around me? I don't know. Dreams are one of those things that maybe should go unnoticed.

Anyways-I've come across another reason on why I went to Israel. I'm home on my winter break vacation right now, and with the advice from my program director in Israel, I've been learning on my own mostly every day. On Shabbat, which was a challenge in itself, I was reading some of my books, and my Father came along too read some of his books too. I was reading a book about the parsha and then realized I actually have not read that weeks portion in English yet. I asked my Dad if he had any copied of Chumashim. He got up, obviously meaning he had some, and went to his room. He came out with one that was his copy of Bereshit when he was in 8th grade! He's had it for all these years..

I then told him, that this weeks parsha was not in that book, but was in the book of Shemot. He laughed, and got up to see if he had that book as well. Well, he didn't, but he did bring back something else. A variety of small books, small Breslove advice books. We were flipping through them and I found one I thought was appealing titled 'Heaven is open'. We started to read it. Every few lines at first, my Dad would get emotional. I saw myself immediately in him. Anytime I would study or learn or recite anything that had something to do with the Jewish religion, my eyes would well up and I would give up. I would even get mad at myself for allowing this to happen, furthering myself away from anything that would make me feel that pain.

My Father told me that he has it in him, and at any moment he can change. He told me that my ancestors, the Freiman were amazing people that are traveling with us. I can see why he would get mad at me now, when I would appear the opposite of the Jewish religion; dressing the way I did, partying, wasting my life away...

I've been reading "Have a Little Faith" by Mitch Albom and have picked up on the theme of connection. The author asks the Rabbi what the point of all these traditions are and in his response he mentions being forgotten. He says something like when you die there are two deaths, one when you physically die, and one when your future grand children and great grand children forget about you. But if you keep passing along the Jewish heritage, and the Jewish tradition, then you will never be forgotten, and you will always stay connected.

I want to stay connected to my faith, stay within my family's precious heir of religion, know that G-d is unconditionally loving, and know that he is, was, and always will be here.