Wolf parrallels

As I expected, this new years did not come with the whole bottle of champagne, the glittery mini dress, and the ringing in of the joy of a new year. It came with something way more.

At around 1030 I left the room wherever was having an Oneg for shabbat and walked onto the roof. I was pacing back and forth, hating the fact that I couldn't talk to someone on how I was feeling. Well, I could have but I didn't have the courage too. I was mad at the program for not providing alcohol that would let my guard down more to allow me to have a more emotional experience. I guess I'm admitting that substances help let people feel if they have a problem with it. After I realized that I had just made my new years resolution to figure out a way to speak up without the 'aid', I found myself pacing.

I started to feel numb. I realized that this year was going to be the first year of my life where I found happiness, and where I was going to make real use out of it, instead of only having it under my skin. I started to cry a bit, but they were definitely tears of joy. My mind started going in many directions, and since I was in the Golan Heights in the beautiful Yishuv of Chispin, I started to ponder on nature. I wondered what it would be like if I just saw a wild animal. What would it do? Would it be a cheetah-my all time favorite animal? I realized that wouldn't be rational since there aren't any cheetahs in the area. So I just imagined a wolf.

Pacing back and forth, reflecting and imaging what life was like and how it is going to be like I came toward the ledge of the roof. I peered over the side. Of course, there was an animal waiting for me down there. A large dog like animal, wolf or not, I'm going to say it was one. So this wolf was looking around I guess for food. Tail between it's legs it kept looking around to see if anything was coming for it. For about 5 minutes I watched it search until it heard something, looked up, and ran in the opposite direction. It started to pace too. I can imagine it was hesitating on 'should I go back and look or shouldn't I?' It made it's decisions and continued along its way back to where it was coming from. I wanted to follow it so I took a step closer to where it was running.

In its tracks it stopped and looked straight at me. I actually may have found myself in real meditation for this first time ever. My mind was blank. This may have been going on for 20 or 30 seconds until it continued on its path, but I just stood there,stopped in time.

After I regained my mindset back, I was pacing again. WHY DID THAT JUST HAPPEN? I thought a while about it and came to one conclusion. The wolf, was so close to coming to danger. It put itself there anyways though. It would search and search and it didn't find anything. After hearing something, it went in the opposite direction, to hesitate some more before it left. I find myself in this story coming so close to danger and walking the opposite direction. I came to so many stops along the way to getting here, but I'm here now and that is all that matters. My reflection looked at myself to remind me that I will get to where I want to be no matter how hard it is going to be.

If you haven't heard this before, hear it now and hear it strong. Only when you can look yourself in the eyes and be satisfied, will you know that you are reaching your potential...