Looking back but moving forward

Activities and school have taken over my life. I am not upset about this though. I am doing what I said I wanted to do when I was sick and tired of UCF. I wanted to live and grow and to delete the craving to party out of my mindset. Here's how I'm feeling about my growth here:

So last year, there was no question about it: I was a party animal. Didn't want to miss one night out at the bar; I just wanted to socialize. Here, something has happened. Scenario: Someone asks me go out. I start to think about it, maybe consider it. But then something takes over and I am just not in the mood. It's like my personality has altered...I don't want to be drunk or be around people that are drunk. It's really the weirdest thing to me since last year that's all I wanted to do! I went out once here...and felt so bad about doing it. People were telling me it was ok..but i was just so upset at myself. I don't think I can trust myself in those situations yet...so I'm going to stick to learning for a bit.



(Doing something good for the world: onion picking for the needy. Activities director Meir Balofsky, me and Jacob)


Another thing; growth in the Jewish lifestyle. Back at home, being Jewish was something that didn't come so easy. Both my parents didn't keep kosher or make Shabbat, etc. And I wasn't ready to ask them to do it for me..since it would make me seriously emotional. I don't know why. If I saw someone in my family in true deep prayer, or heard kiddush, it would be hard for me to hold back my tears. So, I didn't ask them to alter their lifestyles. But here..everything, well many mitzvot are being handed to me on a silver platter. I am wearing more skirts, studying more Torah, eating Kosher, and doing Jewish things that I just wouldn't do at home. I kind of feel like I'm cheating though. Because it seems as if I'm not putting in any effort, and that it's just being handed to me. I've talked to a 'madrich' (one of the counselors basically that live on campus) and I was reassured that many people are making choices to not follow the rules or advert the attention to the learning, and that I was doing a pretty good job myself. It comforted me. I guess a challenge in the future is how I'm going to take all I've gained here and apply it back wherever I am after this.

(Looking back but moving forward. In the old city in Jerusalem on a roof)

One more thing, there are so many people here that are living out of their parent's wallets. And not only are they doing that, but they are complaining and complaining and complaining about countless amounts of things. It bothers me since I am here on scholarships, a loan, and my own check. And coming here wasn't easy! I don't take advantage of anything they offer here since not only did I pay for it, I want to gain a true experience.

(Sitting on the floor of a 45 minute bus ride to Jerusalem with two amazing girls Robin and Claudia)

We do so much here and I barely find the time to sit down and write. My phone was run over by a car...and now I can't see the screen, so I can't call anyone right now. But feel free to call me! But not on the American number I gave you before...since I realized now that it's costing me. So call 0524508440. Here's our newsletter that is sent out monthly if anyone wants to see it:

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