Maintaining the Journey

Having a one month break in Israel has so far proved to be really really amazing.

First I went to Budapest and Prague for nine days with two of my friends from the program. We had such an amazing time exploring and meeting new people. My favorite part of the whole trip though was for sure to be surrounded by people speaking Hungarian. I know this is odd-but it's really because I grew up listening to my dad speak Hungarian to his mother and sisters and picked up on some of it myself-so it was really funny/amazing to be surrounded by it! I also felt such a deep feeling of connection praying in the Chabad/Hungarian synagogue knowing that many many years before that were my ancestors praying the exact same prayers. It sparked me to probe my family history. Prague was great too. We visited a bunch of touristy sights, met a bunch of people, and flat out had a great time. The most memorable part there was certainly visiting Terezin, a ghetto from WWII. Walking through the streets and seeing the memorials just sent chills down my spine. They had a huge art gallery of a bunch of pictures painted and drawn from people that passed through or lived in the ghetto and it was really touching. My travels to other countries have only just begun...

Passover started once we returned and I spent it with my Israeli family. For the seder I was with my aunt and one of her daughters husband's family (whom since I have met treated me like part of their family as well). It was different having one seder, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Chol Hamoed (the days in the middle of passover) were amazing too. The two girls I went to Europe with, Elisheva and Atara, and I camped out by the dead sea for two days! The first day we soaked up the salt of the dead sea and swam along the shore to find a good mud hole where we could dig up the mud and put it all over our bodies. That night was also really fun since we met a bunch of Israeli's our age. We were just endlessly talked about everything. The next day we spent at Ein Gedi-natural springs in the south. Where we hiked through some springs, up some mountain, to some more natural springs (to bump into our Israeli friends), to hike rock to rock through a river, to another spring. It was really really fun and great to be doing it on our own without a group telling us where to go and what not to do. We slept (or didn't sleep) another night in the tent and headed back to our families to end the holiday.

I spent the last days with my whole entire Israeli family for shabbat and then parts of it for the Yom Tov. Despite me not being to comprehend their Hebrew since they speak it so fast-it was just nice to see everyone happy together. Many families are dysfunctional and hate each other, but here I saw everyone sincerely enjoying each others presence. 

I read a book over the holiday called 'Human by Choice-a kabbalistic path to self help' by Rabbi Eliyahu Yaakov that highlighted your independence, direction, implementation, amplification, and interdependence. I plan on reading it again since it had so much to it, but as for now two things stuck out to me most. First, "It is only when a person forgets about his source, essence, and purpose that he redefines the meaning of the word growth to mean promotion at the office." Unfortunately, a lot of people are under this societal spell where work > family relationships. It scares me knowing that so many people loose sight of who they are. The letters of the hebrew words for forget and darkness (shochech and choshech) can be rearranged into each other. As Rabbi Eliyahu states it 'to forget one's who, what, and why in life is to be living in spiritual darkness.

And lastly, another thing from his book 'It is taught in Kabbalah, no two moments of existence are alike. Each moment has it's own particular purpose, and each of us has our own particular purpose to fulfill in each moment'. He states this in his discussion of the journey back to Judaism. He says 'even if you mess up ten minutes into the journey your record is not 0-1, it is rather 10 minutes worth of moments-1.' (This is regards to holding out for 10 minutes on whatever temptation is driving you to sin). I took this to heart knowing that I myself have messed up some times here in Israel. My mind is in a constant pull and tug of temptation and reasoning proving to be one of the hardest journeys I have ever taken. But versus what life was like before this year in Israel, my record has to be somewhat good.

So many things are constantly suprising and inspiring me here in Israel and I'm sad to know I have only 6 weeks left of the school year (about a month to my 20th birthday too!) But happy to stay I'm staying in Israel this summer to find some more, somewhere and somehow.

Here is a song that recently inspired me:
Baz Lurhmann - 'Everybody's free to wear sunscreen'

The story of Speech

It was my first Friday night at UCF's chabad house for Shabbat dinner. I was nervous, but was used to the orthodox scene since that how I was raised. I quickly walked in and immediately was greeted by the Rabbi.

'Hello! I'm Jennifer!' I said confidently.

'Hey Jennifer! Have you ever been to chabad before?' he replied.

'I mean I havn't been to chabad but I did grow up religious, so I'm used to this' I shot back.

'So what happened?' he innocently asked.

I felt my confidence within me rapidly dwindle. That tear jerking, overly asked, annoying question. 'It's a long story...' I replied and quickly walked away since I sincerely felt my eyes begin to well up. 'Keep your cool and snap out of it!' I was repeating to myself in my head. I hated these emotions that would come up when I thought about my lost faith of Judaism. I hated them so much that they are what made me decide to go to UCF over Israel for my first year of college in the first place.

A couple months later, being a chabad then going out after Friday night regular, Passover rolled around. I stayed at UCF for the holiday and attended both seders. The seders looked like this: the rabbi and his wife giving everything they have to try and inspire over 200 college kids with the seder service. Many of them though weren't really feeling the atmosphere so were constantly on their blackberries and/or continuously stating how they dreaded the long wait to the meal. And as the meal rolled around, many ate and got their keys and left. I stayed, along with the other few that wanted to finish the seder and and we ended the nights with a pesach fabrengun and some good talks.

Passover ended, and it wasn't long till I was going out once again to satisfy my party cravings. One night, I over drank a bit and entered into the 'Nichnas Yayin Yotzeh Sod' mode (enter wine and secrets leave). I left the bar, my roommate wasn't home, and found myself uncontrollably crying. I was trying to look at myself but I couldn't. I had become disgusted at who I was becoming and knew the emptiness I felt was 100% my Judaism. I luckily still had Rabbi Bryks, my rabbi from NCSY's number and vowed to call him the next day to see if I had any more options.

So I called him, the next day and of course after I asked him if there was any way I could go to Israel the upcoming fall and spring he told me that of course there was. He asked me why, and I began to explain what I was feeling and then he told me something that would be coined within me forever. I remember the d'var Torah (about Pesach) consisted with something that coincided with the phrase 'the freedoms within'. I have stuck with this ever since then and was recently reminded by our Av Bayis, Ari Yablok what this really means.

The coined phrase freedom of speech is overused and abused in many ways. Speech is something that is crazy powerful. It has the power to kill and has the power to, I hate to be cliche but, move mountains. Pesach is all about freedom of speech. Literally if you dissect the word Peh and Sach: Peh means mouth and Sach meaning conversation. When the Jews were in Egypt they were slaves. Not only slaves to build the pyramids but also slaves to not being able to be who they are as Jews-not being able to speak. When they got across the split sea and the waves crashed down on the Egyptians what was the first thing they did? They sang Az Yashir! Coincidentally, singing being the highest form of expression.

Holding on to what is real

When I heard this message I knew I had to put all my thoughts into action. Judaism was constantly swimming around in my thoughts but I refused to talk about it-I knew it was real but I knew coming back would be the hardest transformation ever. You may trick yourself into thinking 'OH since I think all of these things, then I'm ok, I'll save the actual changing for later'-But know that the only way you're ever going to change yourself is if you put those thoughts into actions. Let them exit your mind and delve into the world of reality.

Somewhere in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) it says that you have to speak your true feelings and be who you are-but it goes on to alert you that once you begin doing this, initially you are going to feel very lost and alone. It makes sense since you put up a front of who you think you are and then you just want to change? Of course people are going to look down and judge-but it really is ok if you feel and know that it's right.

Regardless if the sea actually split or not (I personally believe it but many don't and I can understand why since it is a crazy concept), this message had to be delivered one way or another. Better then G-d just writing down 'Speak up', he gave us this amazing experience or story, whatever you choose, to constantly remind yourself to be who you are-no matter how hard it is...Chag Sameach <3

Am I ready?

There is something buzzing around this world creating all this conflict. It's the month of Adar, which is supposed to be the happiest month and here we are mourning deaths by earthquakes and murderers, watching the violence erupt within the Israeli-palestinian world, and witnessing revolution after revolution in a myriad of countries.

I know there are many sayings that the world is ending or the Messiah is coming. Regardless though if any of these events happen, are we going to be ready? Are you ready to die or come back to life or whatever is going to happen and reflect on your life and be happy with it. I know that I am one of those people that have said or still say 'I'm going to do this today and make up for it tomorrow'. What if tomorrow doesn't come?

This was one of the main messages I picked up from Purim, even though there were so many to choose from. Here's how it worked:

On Campus jamming 

Purim began Saturday night. Israel XP, my program headed to a local Yeshiva to hear the first Megillah reading. With many crazy men dancing around and fire crackers being heard in the distance, this could have possibly been marked my most unique Megillah reading ever. After that people were either going out to Tel Aviv or staying on campus to drink with the staff, dance around, play guitar/tarbouka etc. I chose to stay-very glad about that. Listening to Omek Hadavar, our Av Bayit's band's music play we just sat around laughed and we discussed some real concepts. The next morning Megillah was read on campus and then whoever wanted to could go to the hospital to give out Mishloach Manot (baskets of food/candy given out specifically on Purim) to kids in the hospital. I chose to go, which I am very glad about as well. Baruch Hashem there wasn't enough kids at the hospital to give all the Mishloach Manot we made to. After that, the group headed to Bnei Brak (a very religious community) to walk around and give Matanot LeEvyonim (money to the poor). Corner after corner there were beggars as well as countless amounts of people willingly flinging their change into their cups.

After this we were taken to our seudas (festive meals) in Ramat Bet Shemesh. Wine was passed around along with words of encouragment, wisdom, and some funny poems about each girl made by our program director. I don't remember the exact words of mine but I know it was something like: 'at first you said goodbye to mitzvot and Torah and then you came back stronger-I'm happy you chose to come here-I cannot wait to see you as an upcoming leader of the Jewish people'. I guess this was a moment of ah-ha that this is what I was here for..

In Jerusalem Sunday night dancing in front of a Nachman van

Anyways after that, me and a few girls took a bus to Jerusalem. The bus was crazy. There were ten of us in the back singing Jewish songs and playing our tarbouka. It was a 45 minute party bus to Jerusalem-Jew style. I was so spiritually high at that moment since we were singing 'Ani Maamim-Moshiach Moshiach Moshiach!' that I started to tell the people on the bus I was Shomer Negiah (not touching-yes TOUCHING boys till marriage) If that was true or not, I am not sure-hopefully I can reach that goal soon.

Now let me tell you what Jerusalem is like on Purim. Everyone is in costume, everyone is drunk (many for the right reasons, many for the wrong) and everyone is just walking around the streets either spitting Torah or spitting their puke-but regardless of it all, it's a whole city of a bunch of Jewish people celebreating a holiday. I can honestly say I don't ever want to celebrate Purim anywhere else ever again! I spent Sunday night in Jerusalem then returned all day Monday to repeat the festivities since in the walled city, the real Purim is a day after the world's Purim-so basically my Purim lasted me about 3 days.

All this craziness led me to thinking that I am just in love with everything this year is offering me. I've been inspired to one day be able to wake up to a day if the world is crashing down or being resurrected or flying on a eagle to Jerusalem I can say that I will be ready.

The secrets of Purim!

For a week, I was on a week long conference called MASA Building Future Leadership Conference. It consisted of over 400 undergrads and post-grads on MASA sponsored Israel programs that came together to acquire skills in leadership. A participant was put into a specific group which would be home base for the rest of the week; this is where you would do the most of the reflecting on what you had learned. I was in group 6. You would then choose a specific track (I chose Tikkun Olam) where you would have one full day of, and you would choose a skill workshop (where I chose campus entrepreneurship) where you took a few days to acquire some skills in the specific area.

The whole thing was really an amazing week filled with leadership activities that got my mind flowing with new ideas, and put what leadership really is into a new perspective. www.masacommunity.org has the schedule on it if you are interested in seeing the activities. Basically, what I really got out of it, besides a whole new wave of friends, was realizing what I was truly passionate about. In one of our activities, we had to go around and state two new ideas of what we would like to see on campus when we return or go to college. People said new kosher restaurants, more Israel advocacy, Israeli heritage nights, etc. Going into the conference, I thought the idea I was constantly thinking about was un-original, but apparently, it wasn’t.

I stood up, cleared my throat, and said: ‘I want to start at the core and get Jewish kids in public high schools more exposure to Judaism, and I want to find away to make them love Judaism over force it upon them.’ Throughout the week, I had my mind swirling with ideas which hopefully I can put into effect one day. If you want to know more, or want to help me with it, feel free to ask!

Anyways, besides the conference being mind provoking and exciting, I truly did miss the Jewish learning I was doing every day at school. As we all know, Purim is approaching, actually in a few days and my school is not shy of the fact, that besides Purim being a ‘kids’ holiday, it’s got a lot of lessons that can apply to us today.

Go up to the average Jew and ask them what holiday they think is the holiest day of the year. I guarantee you, 6 months ago; I would have said Yom Kippur, the day where we all fast and are forgiven (or not forgiven) for our sins. Really though, in the Torah, Yom Kippur’s real name is actually Yom HAkipurim-literally translated-the day LIKE Purim. Purim is taking the spiritual and elevating it to its highest, by doing it the right way, alongside the physical (with meals, wine, festivities).

Another aspect: what are clowns? Clowns are people that are dressed up and every time something happens to them, they depict their exact emotions. For instance, one slips and falls on a banana peel, so he gets up and cries, while the other one points and laughs. We all find this funny, but really, and ironically, this is exactly how were supposed to act when things like that happen-no matter how ‘cool’ it is to be apathetic and brush everything off.

So what do clowns have to do with Purim? You dress up! Right! .... No. Clowns are showing us what we are really supposed to be like regardless if you think that they are putting on a show! And what does that have to do with Purim? WINE.

There is a saying in the Gemara I believe: Nichnas Yayin, Yotzeh Sod ‘enter wine, exit secret’. We all know that when we drink we either tend to be more loving, aggressive, funny, whatever it may be, we are not who we really are…or are we being who we should really be? So why on Purim do we dress up? Because we are embarrassed of our secrets? Or we don’t want people to witness our true selves…?

Megillat Esther sounds like Gilui Hester-right? And what does that mean? Hidden revealed. Purim is one of the holiest days of the year because the Jews accepted the Torah. I know, you’re thinking wrong holiday, but really, on Purim the Jews had the choice on to either accept Judaism or deny it. But this time, G-d’s ‘face’ or his presence was hidden-the first time around there is a mashal saying G-d had Mt.Sinai floating on top of them saying either accept me, or I’ll drop this mountain on you right now and you will die (even though that is not to be taken literally). This time, they chose it, with their free will to be a part of the choseness of being a Jew.

All summed up: Purim is a day where we dress up because we know that we are going to be real, which our society is afraid of, and we are going to elevate the physical and the spiritual together, and bringing klal yisrael together (which I didn't get to talk about) making it the holiest day of the year. Tying in MASA, and what I learned on the conference, many people, many Jews in the world are not going to get these messages of Purim. I know and I feel that it is our responsibility, as Jews that if you get the message of Purim, or if you understand the concepts of Judaism to transpire them out to the world of where people are not just simply ignorant, where they are truly just unexposed. I’m really really glad that I got the chance this year to have my eyes opened to all these new messages and ‘hidden’ secrets revealed.

I need to express my gratitude to all my Bar Ilan teachers and staff members that have been patient with me as I asked the questions on what Purim is really all about. I hope this sheds a new light for whoever is reading this on this amazing holiday, we all really deserve to know what it really means. So have a Happy Purim, share your wealth, share your love, and be yourself.

Holocaust; if not for us, then for them

He would have been 67 years old today, says Auschwitz survivor Rose Stark in regards to her baby, Shlomo Nachum Ben Yosef. As I held her hand tightly, I peered into her deep, but light brown eyes. “Today,” she stopped, “today I wanted to talk about it, but I couldn’t I got to emotional.” Her European accent really reminded me of my Hungarian grandmother who passed away a little over a year ago. I held back my tears; I wanted to stay strong, for her, for the others.

Last week I attended the fourth annual Michlala Jerusalem College women’s event on the Holocaust. The theme for this year’s was ‘Growing up in the Shadow of the Holocaust: Finding Identity, Keeping Faith’. There were 3 speakers, one short documentary, and one special blessing. Each speaker had an amazing story and I wish I remembered every detail to retell them to others. One of them though, I really identified with. (sorry this is so lengthy, but I had to include everything that I thought would be relevant)

A big guy, with a black hat, a nice suit, and looking tougher than ever walks up to the stage. His name was Joseph Chaim. The crowd quiets down as he begins his story. He starts with ‘I did not go through the Holocaust, but my grandparents and parents did. He looks as if he had been religious his whole life. I thought wrong. He continued with the story of his own family. Him and his wife and 3 kids lived somewhere in Israel and were not really religious. One say, his wife told him that she was tired, and asked him to pick up dinner. He agreed and went to the popular ‘steak lavan’ aka pork place he normally would go to. For some reason, this time while waiting in line, he recalled a story from his past.

 During the last days of the Holocaust, his grandfather was still in the camp, and was still trying to keep up the Jewish traditions he had always kept up his whole life. Literally, on the day they were to be released, one of the Nazi guards made the remaining survivors stand in a circle. He pointed to Joseph Chaim’s grandfather, knowing he was the most religious one in the group and said ‘you are going to be released today-that’s it-you are free-so take a bite of this [with pork in his hand] or die, why not, just eat it!’ His grandfather looked at the Nazi and said ‘no.’ He was shot, and he died. Joseph was thinking of this story online to buy pork sandwiches for him and his family and thought to himself ‘either my grandfather is crazy, or I’m crazy…and my grandfather could not have been crazy, so I certainly am!’ he left the line and came home to his wife. He explained to her what had happened and said that he neede to do something more with his life; from there he decided to attend a seminar-a religious one-like a shabbaton for older people. 

Anyways, here is where his 360 of life began. As he danced with all these Chassidic rabbis, not ever knowing them before, he felt as if he was with his people. He decided from then on out, he was going to be religious. On his way home, he realized that he did not have tefillin with him, and told his wife that he needed to go to his father’s house to pick them up. At the time, his wife was hoping that his father was going to convince him out of this phase, and wasn’t so sure what was really going on. Anyways, as they got to the house, and as he asked his father for the tefilin-there was a ramble of confusin from everyone, but his father decided to take him up to the attic to get the tefilin anyways. 

His father began to cry as he handed over the tefilin and Joseph, dumfounded, asked him why. His father then told him the story of where the tefilin were from. When he was in a camp, he saw his friend being taken away, but right as his friend was being escorted out of the camp, he threw him a bag. He thought it was a piece of bread, but when he looked inside, he realized it was tefilin. He put them on the next morning. The guard came in earlier that day, saw him with the tefilin, escorted him out, looked him in the eye, and told him this was punishable by death. The Nazis gathered up the people that morning and had the man standing on the table, ready to be hanged. They asked him if he had any last wishes and he answered asking to put the tefilin on. The nazi agreed, obviously thinking that this would be perfect, people would see the Jew hanging, with the reason why around his arm and his head. So Joseph’s father put the tefilin on, and then looked at everyone and said ‘you think I am the loser? No no, you have it all wrong, I am the winner here!’

The Nazis, now disheveled, did not want this message to be spread and made him get off the table so he could have a more torturous death. The punishment was holding 2 large stones while getting lashed in the head. If he dropped the stones, he would be shot. Normally, after two slashes, a person was dead. This time however, he did not drop the stones, but he did pass out on the 25^th lash. He was thrown into the dead body pile, but later woke up, realized where he was, and went back to the barracks, and from then on later was liberated. 

Those were the tefilin that Joseph Chaiim got. Together, with the whole family, including his father and grandmother, and his brothers and sisters and their kids and his wife’s brothers and sister and their kids, new generations of orthodox Jews was born.

I left with a message. A very, truly strong message. These people that went through the Holocaust kept their faith. They kept it, and they are continuously circulated it from now till the day that they die.  They want to make sure that their pain and suffering goes unforgotten, and that is what I promised Mrs. Rose Stark, as I held her hand after the ceremony was over. 

Her dark, but light brown eyes really showed that even through the darkness, the Holocaust, and having her own baby ripped out of her arms, there will be light, with the continuation of her Jewish family. I can’t help but think that this alone should be a reason to stay true to Judaism, and not get sucked away into the addictions of materialism and society. If you’re not happy with G-d, then OK-but if not for him, then do it for them; the ones that feel they are rich because they have amazing Jewish families, not because they have all the money in the world. Stay true to your roots, to our roots, and to everything that these people went through.  

I left with her pulling up her sleeve, showing me the tattoo that was engraved into her arm saying “if someone tries to tell you that the Holocaust didn’t happen, it did! It’s here! Right here, it happened, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise’. I will never forget, and with that I say if not for us, then do it for them, keep the Jewish religion alive, circulating, and real..

The realization of the opening

I recently took a trip back to Florida for my semester break. I found out a few things about my family, and re-connected with family members as well. However, I think it may have taken a little bit of a toll on me as well. First semester, I was on fire. Spiritually heightened, I was always on a constant thinking marathon analyzing things I've learned and took everything into account. I was never really this way before; I mean yeah I was intelligent, but I never recognized my potential, making me lack many aspects of my true deep-thinking qualities. So I get back to Florida, after my amazing first four months and slowly but surely loose a little bit of that fire I achieved. I didn't pray everyday, I wasn't learning, I wasn't really thinking every second of every day either. It was a little mind-numbing going about daily activities and I was pretty excited to get back to the thinking process.

So I returned back to Israel and reality had been set upon me. I faced the challenge of my past shadows walking beside me. Looking at them in the face, my mind-numbness had continued. I felt sort of sick, lacked interest in showing up to class, and took my voluntary learning and put it off to the side. I just walked along normal life activities in a tiresome way.

Anyways, one thing that happened was that I went out one Saturday night, of course drank, and had my guard walls broken down. With another student, we began to discuss life and tear-wrenching memories began to bubble up. Over a period of a few hours, sobs were exchanged and then daily life continued. I sat down with one of my staff members of my program and discussed this issue, and realized that I needed to regain some inspiration. After a long talk, the question of how still remained.

My Judaic classes today; Jewish Literacy and Tanach, revealed some information that allowed me to regain a little bit of that spark I had all last semester.

From Jewish Literacy:
We've been speaking about the Jewish life-cycle lately and today we touched upon death. From the stories of Eliyahu a concept is discussed. It reads that every person gives G-d the same excuse when he reaches heaven: 'you didn't give me the capabilities to reach that potential you set for us!' These people don't realize that G-d isn't judging the soul, he's judging how they reached their potential. Basically said stated by Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi 'the world is compared to a waiting room-prepare yourself in the waiting room before you enter the court'. Once your soul departs from your body at death, there's no turning back, so make sure you reach your full potential. Many of these teaching do not come directly from the Torah, but are only hinted then furtherly explained in the Zohar.

From Tanach:
Shir HaShirim, the poetic and visually provocative controversial love story from the Megillot section of Tanach, was talked about today in class. At first, the many reasons of why it shouldn't be controversial because of course it is an allegory of many other wonderful things were presented. Basically the maiden in the story being Hashem and the beloved being the Jewish people and the relationship between them is the most famous explanation. After this was presented, an essay by Rabbi Yosef Soloveitchik from 1961 was partly read. It was called "Kol Dodi Defek: The Voice of my Beloved Knocks". He introduces the essay by explaining the horrors of the Holocaust and how when we were in the worst of pains, G-d finally 'knocked' and the state of Israel was born. He adds that six knocks from G-d have been recorded. The first knock was a political knock in Nov 1947, when the UN gave Israel permission to their own state. The second knock was on the battlefield-how when the Arab's denied the Partition Plan which would have given them most of Israel, they denied it, fought us instead, then lost, resulting in our victory of the land of Israel. The third knock was theological on how Christians believed Jews were supposed to disappear, and now the Jews were receiving their own land, going against there beliefs entirely. The fourth knock was the hearts of the perplexed, or the hippie stages, when the returnee movement (Baal teshuva) was created. The fifth knock was that Jewish blood was not free discussing the 1976 black September when Golda Meir hunted down the terrorist that killed the Jewish Olympians. And lastly the sixth knock was when the gates to a Jewish homeland were open to all Jews worldwide. All this tied into now the Maiden, or G-d is knocking on our doors and the question is if you want to open the door and read the messages.

All in all, I have a new realization that I am the only one that is going to make me work to my full potential and that I also know this escapade away from home in Israel is G-d knocking on my door. Hopefully I can do this and hopefully I open it in time.

'Jews must live in Israel'

So I've had many Shabbat experiences on this excursion I've taken to Israel. Many places have been visited like Chevron, the Old City, Tzfat, etc. There has been a variety of emotions that I have felt on these trips, but nothing like what came over me on this past shabbaton in Kibbutz Ein Tzorfim.

Myself and a new student on the program, Adina

The Shabbat started off beautifully with the setting sun really bringing out all of the colors of the plethora of flowers all around the kibbutz. We walked over the the small Synagogue and then headed over to the dining room for the Sabbath evening meal. It was really amazing to be back filled in a room with a bunch of Jewish people celebrating G-d's commandment to rest for 25 hours out of the week. A Friday night Oneg proceeded with songs and words of inspiration and testimonials on the past semester and what it has done for the specific person making their statement.

I slept in a bit Shabbat morning headed to Shul and of course another amazing meal. We then got a walking tour of the kibbutz. A sense of community overtook my body as the roles and the history of the area was described. People are there for each other. And they always will be. They will sacrifice what they have for you to feel comfortable, and will always stand together. I realized that the only place in the world where real Jewish community will prevail would be in Israel.

Later that afternoon after an intense game of Taboo, we were all to attend a speech from a woman named Bryna. Bryna is an American woman that took part in the Gush Katif incident back in 2004. Her full story can be found here: http://www.aish.com/jw/id/48915162.html . But besides the whole entire story this is what I took from it.

The woman was one of the strongest and most inspirational people I have ever met in my life. She moved to Israel sometime after her one year program excursion in Israel and settled in a few different places before she landed in Gush Katif. When she got there, a few of her children, I think she had six, were in the army. Unfortunately one of the sad parts of children partaking in the army is when parents receive that unwanted phone call that your son/daughter would not be coming home anymore. This happened to her oldest son Yochanan when he was on a mission in Lebanon. He was buried near the Gush Katif settlement where the sea could be viewed because he was in a unit where scuba diving was involved. She explained in detail how thousands upon thousands of people would show up at her house during the shiva, and how she really felt that sense of community as well. A few years later, I beleive, her community was kicked out by the Israel government due to the dangers and the agreements being made at the time. The actual Gush Katif settlement was in the Gaza Strip making it sincerely dangerous for them to be there. Basically what happened was they all waited in their houses after countless protests to finally be escorted out by the IDF. This one last time, Bryna was yelling at the solider on how they could do these to these families, that that was their homes, and that what they built up came from nothing. The soldier stood there emotionless. Bryna built a clubhouse in honor of her son Yochanan and asked if she could go there one last time before she left. The soldier accompanied her. As she was there she began to tell him stories about Yochanan and about the neighborhood and her story. Still the soldier seemed emotionless. She said that she started to question his lack of emotion, and then suddenly he began to cry to. She hugged him and said 'don't break down, just build up' and they stood there together. She ended up having to un-bury her son, and then re-bury him somewhere else in fear of the new Arab settlers destroying the grave site. Then, She ended up in temporary housing right next to where the kibbutz I was staying at, and has not moved since. She still does not call it her permanent home, but still has an immense amount of faith and hope in G-d, and the Israeli nation. She kept on repeating: Jew's must live in Israel and never break down, always build up.

I couldn't help but cry during and after this presentation, knowing that someone could have gone through so much, and still be in such a state of awe of being a Jew and belonging to the Jewish nation. I feel empowered and only want every other Jew to feel this. I'm not sure how this will happen, but hopefully along my journey I'll figure it out.